Chattering📖✏

October8th 2024
So the vet said my dog will be lucky to see the new year, due to the growth in his abdomen. I don't know how I'll react. It has been along time since something I loved quite so much has died. I know I will feel terrible if the cause was preventable. But if it's a cancer or soemthing, then I might be able to deal with it better. I kept finding myself imaging that I could find a last second cure and save him, as I laid in bed and tried to sleep. He kept waking me up int hemiddle of the night with his shifting and then he peed in his sleep. I'm glad he's still processing water and all that but goodness, what a trial for my poor, little dog. At least he can still waddle around and try to play, so his life isn't all misery. Once it looks like he's in pain and not able to live a life worth continuing, I'll have to consider having him put to sleep. I'll miss the little guy, I know that much for sure.

September 27th 2024
I got puking sick out of nowhere a couple days ago. Messed up my whole week's shcedule and threw off my sleeping pattern. My room smells like a sweat factor and needs an airing out like heck. Between this, regular landry, bringing my car home tonight and cleaning the carpet where the dog peed on it, I'll be busy half the day. At least I'll have time for a bike ride around the neighborhood, still. I'm also going to try to find an Aldi's I haven't hit up yeat to see if I can get some German Weekt knoppfel that aren't the lame flavors.
Went to a show at Palmer's Bar in the city on Saturday. I missed the Cult Sequence performance, but saw Loum, autumn, Academy Order, and some of Count Spookula. Didn't realise I knew DJ Gwiigans. Turns out they're someone I recall from the convention circuit. They're pretty cool and I was happy to see them. Turns out i knew Cult Sequence as wel, also from the con scene. Big city, small town, eh. I had to skip out on UK Submission to make it home at a reasonable hour. I gave out Beetlejuice cartoons tickers to a bunch of different people at the show. It's a little awkward but it's an icebreaker! People love stickers. Also saw the Beetlejuice sequeal movie. It's a four out of five stars.

September 16th 2024
I finished Bee and Puppycat. It's an alright series. It really needs another season. The plot really kicks into gear at the end of Lazy In Space and it leaves me wanting more of both the Space Plot and the Daily life bits. The series does a lot of implying plots without giving us much to actually see. It is very aethestic but not really anything to write home about. I give it three stars out of five.
I got a piece for my car, and i'm going to see about getting it installed today. sadly I know fuck all about wires and shit. Guess I'll learn.
Kind of thrown into a small tizzy because I an thinking about what I want to wear to a big, fancy lolita event but I have no idea how to make it happen. I guess I have time but I don't know how efficently I'll use that time, honestly. I'm something of a Last Second Crunch person. Most of everything gets done in a week or so.

September 11th 2024
Today I had a moment of thinking about the lie that is unconditional love. Just as nothing truly lasts forever, no love is truly unconditional. There is always something that makes you love a person or a thing and if you take that away you take away the love. If you still love something even though everything you like about it is gone, did you love the thing in the first place? Maybe you've found new things to love about it. If you haven't and you sitll profess love, you might need to reconsider your feelings and what you're willing to call love. I wouldn't love someone who attempted to kill me for no reason or who violated my trust int hem. No matter how long we've loved each other, that's a love breaker. Nothing is eternal, not even love. I think things would be better if people stopped lying to themselves and each other about it.
Anyway, my car's Cam Shaft Sensor wire connector has wires that are so damn touchy, I might need to replace them entirely. They're exposed right now and they didn't take to the electrical tape covering I tried to set up for them. What a pain! It has been five days of not having my car running. Too much longer and i'm taking it to a shop. Let's hope we -and by we i mean my dad- can get everything fixed at home before it comes to that. Urgh!
Once I got farther into Bee and Puppycat I started liking it more. Once I had a reason for the odd reactions, and occasional lack therof, from Bee I found myself able to relax and enjoy it. Once I'm done with this, I am going to watch Metropolis and Parasite. Then Gravity Falls to meet the scummy triangle that may have fucked someone's GrandUncle. 🔺🎩

September 6th 2024
September is here and it is acting like it, with regards to weather. I'm still working on my TTRPG character's profile but we still don't have enough players so there is no rush. I really want to make progress on the fanfiction I'm working on but it just does not seem to want to happen. I can do a little at a time but getting into the groove is difficult. Finding my flow is an excersize in problem solving these days. Time to ram my head against the writer's block wall until it breaks.
In the mean time, I got a bunch of Bee and Puppycat stickers. I really liked the pilot I saw ages ago, but didn't watch the series proper, so I'm going to binge it. I have seen the first two episodes so far and it really feels like a product of the time in which it aired. It's also very Pink. One of the artists worked on Steven Universe story boarding and it really, really shows. Hopefully the plot picks up and it stops doing the 'blank eyed stare into middle distance" chibi thing. Please let them be characters and not vehicles for jokes that don't quite land. It feels like Bee and Deckard are a little high all of the time and slightly more grounded reactions would help me like the show a lot more. I guess I'll treat it like something that's happening somewhere in the same world as Steven Universe.

August 28th 2024
The month is winding down and I find myself searching around corners for things to do, so make the most of my shcedule for next month. I was considering a tea ceremony, but there are no openings until October and if I'm going by myself, i'll save it for a less pre-occupied month. October is halloween and Fusion. I don't want to lend myself out to too many causes and events and now be ale to enjoy the things I have already planned. Still, though, I search for concerts in earnest now.I intend to use those unexpected free days, damn you!
My dog is so good about having his eye medicine put in the first time each day, but he is always so frustrated with the second time each day. Please, dog! Your eyeballs are in jeapordy. (っ °Д °;)っ Stop struggling! I am so happy I've never had to medicate the bird. I can't even imagine what type of struggle that would be.

August 14th 2024
Finally have access to weekends and everything is happening so much I can't really make it to half the things I want to. I'm trying to be patient but it is not my strong suit. My dog is sick. His super expensive eye cream should be arriving today. So that will be fun to get him to let me put on his eyeballs. It only fixes his eyes and not whatever is happening in his chest cavity,though. It's all aout what comfort we can give him in what is probably his final year. I'll pay seventy dollars and get a bit sticky and gross for Old Man Dog.
Have a cultural fesitval coming up and every year i forget how to put on the fancy outfit I bought. This year I'm just going to invest in a really nice Obi for the furisode so I can stop worrying about what is and is not good enough. Money doesn't solve every problem, but this is one of the ones it can.

August 9th 2024
After being basically Persona non grata for half my life, finding myself with an active social calendar again is a bit of an adjustment. Half of it is work mandated events and all that, but still, thie August is shaping up to be a full one. It's a good thing I don't really go on the Leave The Area type of vacation or i'd not have enough energy or gas to keep breathing at the end of the month, by my estimation.

July 17th 2024
I've owned the soundtrack for years and the movie, but never actually watched it. I have listened to the soundtrack a lot, both the good and the horrendous songs. I have to say that Golgotha Tenement is a great song that is, despite the great aesthetic (that belongs to the original comic book anyway and not the movie people), wasted on a movie like the Crow. It could have been used to such haunting and eerie effect. the song is so menacing at the end and we really didn't get any of that. It's almost certainly because Brandon Lee died during the shooting and they had to scrape together as much of a workable movie as they could. I recognize that. I am also saying it should be considered a widowed song, able to go off and become involved with another movie that can appreciate it and use the best parts.Also, why is the last of the muderous rapists treated like a lovable gag side character? How and why does Erik Draven (also just realised erik drave is erik the raven. i'm so mad i didnt notice at first you can't believe) keep Batmanning away. He's a physical ghost/zombie/spirit. Just phase out, dude! Also, i didn't expect My Life With The Thrill Kill Unit to be in-movie music. I kind of liked that.

May 15th 2024
Trying to watch CyberSix and Back to the Future, this week. I had a nice, productive month with just myself and the dog in the house. I cleaned out the garden pond and got new mulch on the ground. I opened so many windows to the sounds of windchimes and the smell of fresh air. It feels nice to finally have spring out and about after winter. And it is not even drizzling right now. Planting here I come! I already have some rosemary in a pot trying to take off. I need to get my basil seeds started before I lose the good growing weather.

April 5th 2024
Still working at the library and loving it but not loving my other job as much. Even if you have one job that makes money, try to get a job where people like you and think you're useful. It helps a lot. In other news went to another convention and it's amazing how if you don't like Hentai or shonen Anime, how little there is hout there for you. Get fucked if you like Shoujo and good like finding Jousei or Seinen at all. At least the concerts are fun. Rolling Quartz was pretty good. I also went to the second Otoboke Beaver show so far in my state. Loved the most pit in the bigger venue. Took a friend to it as her first concert. She seemed to like it even if she stayed out of the pit. I'm kind of surprised since she really isn't the punk type. Been a normal 6 months. I hope to update again, but sooner next time.

📄2023

Nov 21st 2023 I don't understand why some places don't have translations of their signs. Wouldn't it be for the best to have multiple copies of rules and regulations in multiple languages? It helps cut down on any confusion for people who don't speak the popular language and would likely reduce employee workload, when people don't have to try to constantly correct people on how things work or how to work soemthing. Besides simply having multiple copies of one or two sentence instructions in places can help people learn languages. it's not exactly immersion camp but I can say Caution Wet Floor in Spanish from repeated exposure to it on signage. Why not make "Please don't climb this" in Itialian or Hindi just as common? Just having it up acknowledges the presences of people who speak those languages and can help them feel more welcome. Just pay someone to translate some stuff one time and have the translations at least. Then you can hand out the translations as needed if you don't want to post them. Things could be so easy, but management wants to lollygag and waffle.

Sept 6th 2023 Going to a small convention alone is actually kind of hard. Bigger conventions have plenty of things to do and lots of people who are willing to hang around and make small talk. The smaller the convention the less there is to do and the less people there are to talk with. The people that are there wasnt to either fuck you or already have friends they came with, so the chances of hanging out with others is close to zip. The convention itself was like alright. Really felt like it didn't need all three days. Two days would have been fine. 4/5 stars

August 10th 2023 No one asked, but here are my thoughts on censorship
What does censorship, truly accomplish? Censorship is, at its most basic, a denial of information. Censorship says, you can't know something because someone with power over you says so. There are plenty of reasons for it;malevolent manipulation, protection of self, protection of others, or simple belief that the informaiton should not exist. Censorship cuts the propagation of ideas off at the knee;it's not impossible to get around but much harder. Censorship wards away those who drop Hard R N-words on radio stations, but is also attempts to slam dunk someone's carrer into a dumpster when they drop an F bomb. Let's not even get into those who are Queer, in or out of the closet. Despite the harm denial of information tends to have as a while, I am of two minds about it. My opinion is that censorship on the whole is disagreeable, there are some specific instances where I find it worth using. Defense of government secrets from outside parties during wartime is one. Limiting ability for minors to access porngraphy, for two. Lastly preventing creation/distribution of genuine sexual/physical abuse media. In the case of wartime activities, I believe that information should be released up to ten years after the conclusion of the war. With children accessing pornography, that's an issue that solves itself with time as eventually they age out of the bracket and it's all gates open. I do not think that sex education is the same as pornography, and it should not be treated like it is. I'll freely admit that the last one is something that 'feels' like it shouldn't be shared. Footage of sexual abuse can be viewed as pornography, but i've lumped it together with physical abuse due to the damage this inflicts upon the people in the material. It's only for genuine abuse material, though. If a physically typical adult and a little person want to have some age play kink sex, it's not my deal but i'm not stopping them. If someone is an actor and is portraying a murder or a brutal beatdown, it's not snuff and should bee taken as the voluntary action it is.

July 15th 2023, I've never been on the otherside of an interaction centered around an activity where it is obvious the other person is doing it to make friends, without actually caring about the activity. Or, at the very least, not caring as much as I do about it. It's supremely frsutrating, but might have been better to deal with it it weren't a competetive situation. Thinking about post mortum organization today. IDK if I should write a will or just let things fall where they may. I dont know if anyone in my life has written their will. It's going to be a shit show if they haven't.

July 11th 2023 The convention was a lot of fun. The panels I went to were actually informative, instead of the disorganized mess the local Anime Convention's panels usually are. The panel on playing Evil DND characters left me with a hankering to play my Evil Son again. It would have been more fun with a friend to hang out with, but that wasn't in the cards and has not been for a while.

June 30th 2023, first of all Happy Birthday, Tsukino Usagi and ChibiUsa! Secondly, watched Interview with a vampire for the first time, today. I want every dress that Claudia owns. I read the books ages ago, when i was a tween and the specter of Ann Rice was looming over the heads of all the fanfic writers that dremt of holding a pen to paper. Sadly the word prestedigitation did not pop up even once in the movie. I first heard it in the book and was so proud of learning it, as children often are. It's a decent adaptation of the book, as far as i remember it. It is very much of its time but I root for Louis and his resistance tog etting back with his narsisstic ex. Bless, Dude. You resisted him acting like a pathetic wretch to gain your sympathy, when you weren't even prepared for it and you walked off smooth as butter. RIP the world that might have been for Claudia and Louis.(not for lestat,though. fuc 'im)

June 26th 2023, Spiritual Cramp was a fun show, while they were in town. I spent a lot of time standing around awkwardly, because I went alone to a punk show and didn't feel confident trying to interact with other concert goers, who were all in pairs or groups. I ended up liking the second opener, Bermuda Squares, more than the first Buio Omega, but B.O.'s vocalist put a lot of effort in. It almost feels theatrical in a way that seems like trying to makeup for a lack of something,but i couldn't tell you what. Attraction to aesthetic is strong for the mostly visual species that is Sighted Humanity, but it's not nearly so strong in punk circles. No one can accuse her of LipSynching,though, because she disconnected the mic more than once, while dancing in the half empty pit. Good growling on her,though. And the guitarist, Midge was a treat of a person. I had a very nice conversation with her. Bermuda Squares wasn't ground breaking but it felt good, was fun and direct to the point with music. Didn't seem like they were trying to make a name for themself and were comfortable being what they were, enjoyably so. Spiritual Cramp had one person in a gingham shirt at all times (first the vocalist than the bassist when the vocalist took his off), that made me strongly think of LetterKenny. The synth person had very 'Weird Al" hair and the bass guitarists had jackets on and caps that made them look like they were going to move some crates at the dock for a mob boss after this. One of the guitars apparently suffered a malfunction in the middle of the set and an opening band lent them one to continue playing. This vocalist had the most energy in the whole venue. The music was so loud i left the venue feeling like i was suffering a status ailment, but it was good stuff. If they're in your town, bring earplugs, but check them out.

June 19th 2023, It's a quiet Juneteenth morning and I am enjoying have awoken early, and sleeping well despite it. I have become an old woman, asleep at 8pm and awake at 5am even on my off days. But age is a privilege, you know! Not all of us get to be old. I am lucky and unlucky at once. We all accrue injuries as we age. There is no safe life, but one tries to live a life worth the harm. What that looks like is different for everyone. I want a life with friends and good food. It's harder than it really should be, but we all strie towards what does not come easily.

June 14th 2023, isn't it funny how humans have made Knowing Things our central trait? It is so much so that we shiver in the face of death, and create afterlives for ourselves because we want to know and the unknown scares us. (or at least scares lovecraft who couldn't understand air conditioning.) the USAmerican web-shpere likes to make jokes and guess at what our special characteristic would be if we were to be distilled down into a single idea decorating a Star Trek episode's alien of the week. I see a lot of "wouldn't it be funny if we were considered-" with so many, many different adjectives finishing that statement. I like the ones where we "pack bond" with things as our Special Trait. "good survivlaist" is a fun one, too. Curious is just as good as any other trait,thouugh, i suppose.

June 10th, I went to the Cherry Blossom festival after waiting an hour in the wrong place. Nearly sweat straight through my kimono, but I got there. I had a lot of reasons to be upset but it was honestly worth it to go. Planning to attend a gingham themed picnic and I have no idea what to wear, as I don't wear gingham at all. Back to the drawing board, I guess.

June 6th, had a bunch of nice food today. Tried a new restraunt. NiHao off of 42 does ramen,poke and boba tea. I grabbed some takoyaki and mango yakult. It wasn't spetacular but still pretty good. Also stopped by the standby cafe for a coffee and some eggs with toast- basic but tasty. you love to see it.

June 5th 2023

last night i thought i heard someone pulling at the door and asked my old man if he heard it. He said no but went to check it out. I was kind of surprised he took it seriously. I thought he wouldn't and would just tell me to fuck off and i would have to check it out myself. I honestly thought i was alone and it turns out i wasn't and i dont know what to do with that. it's kind of cutting the legs out from under my feelings that I have no place in this world, but not enough for me to feel like I belong anywhere or like i have a reason to exist. It cuts the legs just enough to sting.

May 26th, 2023

I'm having a good day so far, but endlessly tired. So many people around me are moving away or quitting, it's kind of saddening.